Too Cool for School

Courtship: A discussion

In my senior year at ACU, I received some teaching on courtship as a new approach to romantic relationships, and it clarified a lot of things that were giving me fits about dating. One, we're not meant to pursue dating relationships as recreation or just to fill up our lonliness. Two, we should assume friendship and respect with any person instead of just seeing them as a potential date. Three, you should seek the will of God and the opinions (however harsh) of friends and neighbors about whether or not this relationship could work. There's also the part about postponing the physical part of the relationship. It's a mutually respectful bond, and if it does not end in marriage, the two people would still be able to maintain a Godly friendship with one another. There are more aspects of courtship, but these are the ones that I needed to learn to walk in, and still try to. But there are some realities of living in this belief that I find it impossible to reconcile myself to. One, and most importantly, I'd have to be blind and devoid of thoughts and emotions to never see anyone as a potential date. Before I think about it, before I can blink twice, that light flashes on, "Ooh...I like him!" Two, if I did end up in a courtship with a guy that I really cared about and it ended, I think that we could still be friends, but not in the same way. A room in my heart will have to be locked up because I still like this guy, and to get as close as we once did would lead me down the wrong path. My friend Lindsey is living the courtship lifestyle, and I admire her faith and perseverance. She has always shared this verse with me,
"...and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ". 2 cor. 10:5

This verse comes out of a passage about spiritual warfare. I guess, in a way, we're at war with our flesh. The difficult part is knowing which human desires are fleshly and which are Godly. (My own motives are very muddled most of the time.)

The problem I have is that I have heard from several people who believe in courtship that one should be satisfied with their relationship with God and not ever spend time thinking about marriage or how much you'd like to be married. It teaches that a relationship with God is the ultimate romance (Which it is) and that you have to be whole, a complete unit, before God will ever bring that person into your life. It gives me the feeling that I'm spiritually weak whenever I think, "Man, I hate being single." And if I hate being single, then I must not be whole, complete with God. But is that necesssarily true? This "wholeness" approach has its merits, because we all know you shouldn't expect your future spouse to fulfill all of your needs and desires. However, I'm going to have those days where I hate being single--those days are weddings, opening nights for my plays, concerts, movies, dinner parties with people who are all married, and everytime I come home to my darkened apartment. Just because I have that desire to be married does not mean that I'm weak, or that I'm not satisfied. And truthfully, marriage was meant to bring us closer to God than we could be alone. Lots of Christians think that "aloneness" is the ultimate communion with God. If I were to recount my greatest encounters with God, they were most often in the company of other believers.

Thre are so many different ways of looking at it! Praise God that we're allowed to disagree and try to look at things from different angles.
What are your thoughts? There' s an interesting article on boundless: http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001199.cfm

posted by Heather at 1/22/2006