Too Cool for School

A Right Decision

I'm eating cinnamon donuts right now, which should equal happiness. Alas, it does not. Life is changing so fast, and though I love change, it doesn't come without a cost. We are always gaining and losing at the same time. My nephew Cole graduated from high school this weekend, and it hurts us all a little to know that he's about to go into a world that will inevitably be a tough place at times. This reminds me of God's decision to let us go out into the world with complete free will. That's love.
I cleaned out my classroom this evening. It was time. Using my plastic art supplies cart as a dolly, I rolled several boxes down the long hallway and to the parking lot. Funny; as I was rolling out the last box, my ipod played the perfect song. And just as the last chord of the song played, the door of the school shut behind me. I thought, with satisfaction, that this was the first time I'd really felt that I'd made the right decision. After all, I hadn't exactly done all that I set out to do. I failed...a lot, and who knows if I taught anybody anything at all. People can tell you that teachers make a difference, but there are many days, weeks, months, where everything you say and do as a teacher gets lost of the shuffle and it feels like you're not doing any good. That's any job, come to think of it. Most of us struggle with wondering if we're really making the right choice. So many times I've prayed for an answer but God hasn't given me an "ultimatum" exactly, "Go here, Do this". I so wanted him to, but that hasn't been his way of handling things so much of the time. In the past, I might make a choice and then fail the first time I tried. I somehow thought that failure was God's way of telling me I went the wrong way. Maybe it is, in some cases, but who am I to think that failure isn't supposed to be part of the process of getting where I'm going? So I have to choose, and know that whatever I choose and wherever I go, I'll also choose to serve God. That's what I did this time.

Back to the cart. Just as I got it outside the door, I breathed a sigh, "It's all downhill from here", I half-thought. And it was. I wheeled the cart down the handicap ramp and toward my car. But right in the middle of the ramp, the cart just stopped. A wheel came off. The sides buckled and came unhinged, a drawer stuck out. This was one of those infernal carts designed to come apart when you need it to--and apparently when you don't need it to. What was this about? It was too heavy and cumbersome to carry. All I could do was take it apart, piece by piece, and put it into my car. As I did this it occurred to me that I never would've gotten it into my car any other way. If I'd tried to shove it in whole, it probably would've broken anyway and then my papers would've spilled all over the parking lot.

I laughed, got into my car, and drove to Target where I bought a paper shredder and some cinnamon donuts.

posted by Heather at 5/29/2006